Christmas Eve memories

My mom always had a way of making Christmas magic....the house was always decorated with cozy pictures of years past, homemade carolers singing in our foyer, our house lit up w/sparkling lights....our tree always had to touch the ceiling - and we had cathedral ceilings! One of my favorite memories with my sisters is our Christmas Eve program. We would always open a new pair of pajamas, robe & slippers - each year it was different, but we always matched! My mom loved matching us (and still matches her and her husband!!).

We would stand up in our program and sing Pinecones and Holly Berries & It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I have carried a lot of these traditions over to my own family. My kids get new pajamas every year and we sing our song at Ray's family Christmas party......good memories - good traditions!

Merry Christmas Everyone.....Live each day to the fullest:

Remember that Today is a "gift", that's why they call it the "Present" :)

3 years ago my life changed forever

December 18, 2006..............................2009. It really doesn't seem like 3 years has gone by since Wendy died. I can remember this day as clearly as it just happened. The pain I felt, the throbbing pain that tore through my entire body putting me into shock.....was like nothing I have experienced before. It's like someone just took a knife and slit you wide open and your world comes crashing down..........

When I came face to face with my sister's, my grandparents, my mom, my brother, my dad, Wendy's children - we all had that sad, unforgettable look in our eyes - we all shared the same pain. We all lost someone very dear to us. We all became part of the "club"....the one that you don't want to be apart of.

I carry that sadness with me, deep down inside and today I let it rise up and I accepted the fact that it still hurts to think of my sister and the senseless way in which she died.....so easily prevented ---- It's hard not to think that way - to wonder "what if" or "if only". I realize that nothing can bring my sister back. The memories I have over the 40 years we were sisters, are enough to last me my entire lifetime - however long that may be!

Today the tears came easily. I didn't try and wipe them away. I let them flow. I let them stream down my face and I remembered the pain of December 18, 2006. It happened. It hurt. I'm healing......every year, I heal a little more......Thank you for remembering my sister. Please make a comment if you want to. I know her children (Brandon and Breana) take great strength away from reading the words of others who knew their mom. They both loved Wendy so much and she loved all 3 of her kids unconditionally.

I take a deep breath and I sit in the sadness..............

3 years ago today......

It was Sunday night, December 17, 2006 and I had just sat down on my bed to call my sister Wendy at the hospital. She had been cooped up for 5 days and was excited to be leaving the next morning. When she answered the phone, I could hear the TV in the background and she was excited that the Survivor Finale was on......She wanted Ozzy and I wanted Yul..... We laughed about how hard it would be doing that show and if we would ever consider it - NO! We are both too vain for that and couldn't stand not doing our hair! As we talked I told her that I had booked my ticket to fly out Dec 29th to Utah. The plan was to go the the Physical Therapy place she was going to be staying out and "break her out"....we talked about going to a casino and getting front row parking due to her "handicap" sign she would not have becuase of her foot!

Wendy always made me laugh. Before we hung up I told her to text me in the morning when they released her. I had an early morning interview I was conducting at Madison Park in Bothell, so I probably wouldn't be able to talk to her. I told her to leave her new phone number and room number so I could get hold of her.......

If only I could go back to that night and warn her....tell her that she needed to be careful and ask the doctor about blood clots - did they have her in a boot? Did they give her enough blood thinners so that a clot wouldn't form? Was anyone aware that she hadn't been up and walking around since the surgery? .....Oh, so many things I would do to prevent her death.

I miss my sister, especially during the holidays - we would always swap calls about what we were getting our kids and we would talk about what we wanted. She used to send me candles from Salt City Candle - it was my favorite - I wish I had another holiday with her.....I wish she were here so I could tell her about my boys at college and Jessi's senior year. She always wanted to know the details of my life.

Life is precious. Life is beautiful. Life is unpredictable........don't waste another day doing something you don't want to do......working at a job you hate.....being nice to that person you can't stand......MAKE A CHANGE TODAY! Live the life you want to live. It can all be taken away in a singler moment......Cherish your family and friends!

Love you Wendy.

Miss you.

3 years ago today my mom called me to tell me Wendy had been in a minor car accident.....who knew that it would start a chain of events that would forever change our lives.

I remember with such vivid detail the phone conversation I had with Wendy the 5 days leading up to her death. We talked every day......it was a time in her life where she was really looking ahead to her future..... It is interesting how events can change your life in a milisecond.

This is a tough time of year for me. Each day triggering a memory of the December 2006 events; Thanksgiving, Bothell Football championship, Survivor finale, planning Christmas, New Years plans.....Before Wendy died I lived life with such ease - such normalty - I had no idea how good I had it and what a wonderful thing I had with my sister. I took it all for granted that she would be with me for the rest of my life.

It is hard to dwell on the past 3 years without her.......I love my sister very much. I miss my sister and the joy, laughter and love she brought to my life. I ache inside and cry randomly over little things......

I am trying to focus on the joy of the Season, my family and friends and all the good things in my life. May we all find happiness in 2010 and learn to savor every day that we are blessed to live.

Happy Birthday Breana

Breana,

Though your mom is not here with us physically, I know that she is watching over you every day. She was so proud of you and loved you from the moment you were born! I will never forget when Wendy found out she was having a girl.....she asked me what names I liked and I said, "I love the name Breana" and she said, "Oh, so do I!"......she begged me to let her use that name and so here you are a Breana :)

Your mom always loved her kids birthday's. She would often call me up and ask for ideas on what to do.....remember the casino night?

Now you have your own children and you will love them as much as your mom loved you....it is a beautiful thing to be a mom! I love you Bree and I know you miss your mom very much. Know that she is there for you anytime you need her!

Love Auntie Tracy

We loved being together as sisters.......Always a smile on our faces......Pure love and joy.

Wendy would have loved Facebook!

Ok, so Facebook wasn't really around in 2006 (myspace was).... Wendy would have LOVED Facebook! She would have had a ton of friends on her page :) She would have enjoyed re-connecting with old junior high and high school friends. We would always talk about, "Did you know so and so got married" or "Did you hear that so and so has 6 kids?".....it was always fun to "gossip" with my sis. We enjoyed hearing about other people and what they were doing.

I could just see Wendy's page - she would have fabulous pictures of her and her kids and her 2 grandkids all over that page! She was so proud of her kids (Brandon 22, Breana 19 and Riley 12 - Grandkids Kristofer (2)& Sione(1) ).

In memory of my sister, I created a facebook page called: In memory of Wendy Williams Patterson. That way if anyone is every searching for her, they will be able to "find" her. I still have people reach out to me who just found out about Wendy's death.....it is still shocking.

I hope this will bring smiles to the faces who visit her page.

All dressed alike.....

My mom loved dressing her 4 little girls alike.....she would make a lot of our clothes and I remember people stopping us and asking if we were a singing group! We always had fun together when we were kids.....Top pic was taken on our trip to Las Vegas; Kari and I are on the bed and that is Wendy in the front.

The picture of our whole family was taken at Disneyland. Clockwise - My dad, Jack, my mom Patti, me, Amy in stroller, Wendy and Kari.

Far right was a picture taken our first day of school when we were living in Kimberly Park, Bellevue. My mom was always so good about getting us dressed, doing our hair, etc.....

I love these pics......I love the memories and feelings that they evoke.

Being together

I often come to Montana to visit my little sister Amy. There is something about being together as sisters, that is comforting and familiar. We grew up in a household filled with family and friends. My mom had a way of making our house so warm and inviting and we often had people over or stopping by. There was always a sense of love in our home.

I used to travel to Salt Lake and spend time with my sister Wendy. Just like with Amy, there was always a sense of familiarity that would wash over us and we would quickly get into a rhythm. We loved the same movies and books and would often talk about movies we had just seen in detail. Wendy once told me about the movie Final Destination. We were driving to my mom's from Salt Lake and she spent about an hour taking me through the movies plot....after she was done, I felt like I had seen the movie! She was always good at telling stories.

When I am feeling low or pushed down by the world, I try and plan a trip over to Montana. Being with my sister Amy always lifts my spirits.....we truly enjoy eachothers company. We often talk about Wendy and the memories of growing up. Being together helps both of us and I am so grateful for her in my life. We both miss Wendy.......

Sense of Humor!

Wendy had the best sense of humor! Always a funny joke or a sarcastic comeback :) In this photo Wendy was telling me how to hold your neck like a chicken so you wouldn't have a double chin! Oh how she made me laugh! As I look back at photos, I often find myself laughing at the memory that it evokes! I'll never forget the day of her accident. We were talking and she said, "You know how they tell you to always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident? Well I'm telling you to always shave your legs!" She had worn a dress that day and when the emergency personnel were carrying her out of the car to the stretcher she said they felt her stubbly legs!!! So darn funny :)

She still makes me laugh

I didn't think I could really laugh like I used to....Wendy had a way of saying things that would make me truly laugh! You know the kind? The laugh where your whole body shakes and you get tears running down the corner of your eyes....yep, that's the laugh. This picture is a pure reflection of the way Wendy made us laugh. I look at this picture and it brings joy to my heart because I realize that though Wendy may be gone, the memories - the laughter - is still there waiting to come out. I am thankful that I have so many fun moments with my sisters to reflect back on.

All our lives we have been close and we have always had fun with eachother. When we were little, our mom used to dress us a like. She instilled in us a sense of unity, of love. I am grateful for that. Hanging on to those moments helps with the tough times when all I want to do is cry. I miss my sister......but I can still remember her laughter and it brings a smile to my face every time!

Video tribute - just 4 months before her death

A lifetime of memories......

I love to run across pictures of my sister Wendy and I when we were kids. We have so many incredible moments that we shared together with our family. Boating was one of our favorite things to do. This was taken on a trip to Boston when we were visiting our dad.

My Sista Wendy

December 18, 2006 will forever be imprinted in my mind....it's the day I lost my little sister and it's the day my life changed forever!

Wendy lived in Salt Lake City and was driving to work in the early morning of December 13th. She was dropping her 16 year old daughter off at her friends house before heading in to work. As she was about to enter an intersection the light turned yellow. There was a car coming towards her into the intersection and turned right in front of her - causing Wendy to slam on her breaks as she hit the car (she was only going about 35 miles an hour). The other driver was given a ticket at the scene. Wendy shattered her right ankle and was taken to the hospital. She was very worried about her daughter as she was 7 months pregnant. She really didn't consider her injury very serious.

My mom had called everyone in the family to let us know Wendy had been in a minor accident and was at the hospital. I called and talked to her that night. She was in good spirits, saying that she was more worried about her daughter Breana than herself. She text me a picture of Breana's face, which was bruised from the air bag going off. I asked her how long she was going to be in the hospital and she said, "Only a couple of days."

They did surgery on her ankle the next morning, putting several pins in her foot and ankle - they basically had to re-construct her ankle! She said she was feeling pretty good, but was still worried about Breana and her unborn child. The doctors said Breana was fine - so she went to stay at a friends house. For the next 3 days, I talked to Wendy everyday. She said she had a lot of visitors and that it was so nice to see everyone. She was also worried about her 3 kids and Christmas, because she hadn't finished her shopping and now she was stuck in the hospital. I told her not to worry about it, and that we would take care of the kids. She thought it was weird they were keeping her in the hospital so long, but she always kept a positive spirit about her.

Wendy had a great sense of humor and we used to laugh a lot. She commented that she kept seeing White Rabbits running around her hospital room (we all knew it was just the medication she was on!!). On Sunday, December 17th - I called Wendy to discuss the finale that night for Survivor - she really wanted Ozzy to win. I told her that I was going to fly out after Christmas and come see her for New Years. She was being transferred over to a rehabilitation center to recover for a few weeks......she was excited and made it sound like it was going to be like going to a spa ;). She joked that she wouldn't be able to dance on New years, but she could probably get a handicap parking sticker so where ever we went, we could park up front! She was so funny!

I told Wendy that I loved her (as I did every time I talked to her) and asked her to page me in the morning when they released her. I wanted to send flowers over to the Center. She said she would and we hung up.

On Monday morning December 18th, I was doing an interview for one of my managers. I noticed that my cell phone kept vibrating and I assumed Wendy had been released and had text me. I ignored it. Finally one of my co-workers came in and interrupted the interview saying that I had an emergency phone call in her office. My first thought was that one of my grandparents had died (they were 90 years old). I picked up the phone and I heard my older sister Kari's voice, "Wendy is dead Tracy. She died this morning!"......I started shaking my head and telling my sister no. There is no way she could be dead. I had just talked to her the night before, she was being released this morning....there has to be a mistake. She only broke her ankle......

Kari explained that the doctor had come in to check her out and had release her that morning. They were helping her up into the wheel chair and she fell back against her pillow. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at the doctor jokingly and said, "That was weird, does that always happen?" They said yes, that some times a patient get's dizzy from being in bed for so many days. They sat her up again and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She fell back again, but this time she did not open her eyes...... They called in a code Blue - Wendy had stopped breathing! They worked on her for an hour, bringing her back 3 times, but she didn't make it.

She had was it called a P.E.- pulmonary embolism- a blood clot. It had worked it's way up from her ankle injury over the past 5 days and it exploded in her aorta (heart) when they sat her up and killed her instantly. She didn't even know what hit her....... 40 years old. Perfect health. Gone.

How can this happen? This isn't right......she didn't need to die. She didn't have cancer, she didn't have poor health. She was at the prime of her life - with so much ahead of her.......

I have never felt so much pain in my life. I had never lost anyone close to me (my grandparents are still alive). It was as if someone took my heart and ripped it out, tore a chunk out of it and put it back......something was missing.......I had a hole in my heart. My sister Wendy was such an important person in my life. There wasn't a week that would go by that we didn't talk.....we had children the same age, had been through everything together - Just 4 months earlier we had all been together for her 40th birthday. The picture at the top of this blog showing the 4 sisters was the last picture we have of us. Who knew?

I am dedicated to keeping my sister's spirit alive by helping others. My sister's death taught me to live each day in the PRESENT. There is no guarantees that there will be a tomorrow. Laugh and smile each day....... tell the people you love that you love them - everyday!

Even though it was been almost 3 years - the shock of her death still resonates in me.....I still find myself wanting to call her and talk to her. Survivor just started again.....she would have loved it! I have to remind myself to keep smiling, keep living....it's what she would have wanted for me.