It's that time of year again.....

Oh how I dread this time of year......everything starts to happen just like it did right before Wendy died....end of football season, Surivor Finale and Holiday shopping --- you go through life on automatic pilot, oblivious to the outside world and then --- BAM --- something tragic happens that takes your breath away and makes your whole world stop.

I remember those 5 days leading up to her death like it was yesterday......I replay it over and over - trying to remember every detail of our conversations, her laughter, her stories and her voice. I miss her voice.

Time doesn't really change that - years don't really make it easier ---- you just learn to live with the pain and you learn to cherish the memories :) It will be 4 years this Saturday......4 Christmases without her.

Life goes on. We keep living and going through our life wondering how much time we have left on this earth. The one blessing that is left when someone close dies, is you lose the fear of dying yourself --- becuase somewhere deep inside you know that they will be there when you pass, waiting to take you in their arms and it welcome you.

I will see my sister again - until then I will remember her smile, her wicked sense of humor and they way she made me feel loved!!

Merry Christmas my Angel-Sista!

Happy Father's Day Grandpa

When I woke up this morning, I realized that this would be the first time in over 20 years that I wouldn't be talking to my grandpa on Father's Day! He was always my first call.......every year.

He was an amazing grandfather to me. Always showing unconditional love to me - without fail - every time I saw him. His eyes lit up and he was give me a big hug and squeeze my hand "Hello Doll. How's my Tracy doing?". I have so much comfort in those memories.

I love you grandpa and I miss your presence in my life - but I carry your love in my heart and it wraps me up like a warm blanket any time I want it......Thank you for loving me. For always loving me. Tell Wendy hello up there and give her a hug from me. I miss both of you and look forward tot he day we are all united again.

Holidays hurt the most.....

My family was big on holidays growing up :) My mom would give us Valentines Day baskets, Easter baskets, etc- any holiday was a celebration at our house! Wendy loved her holidays as much as I did. We would talk about what we were getting our kids, what we were putting in the Easter baskets for the boys (they were always harder to shop for). Wendy and I spent a lot of holidays together and I miss her terribly.

Wendy is always "sending" me little signs - on Easter Sunday this year, I was going through boxes getting pictures for my daughters Senior year scrapbook - I came across an old Easter card from Wendy (what are the chances??). It was a beautiful card! She was thanking me for being a great sis to her and for believing in her........Oh how I miss her and the love she brought to my life!

Grandpa Griffith R.I.P.

It gives me great comfort knowing that Wendy will be there to greet my grandpa tonight......I loved my grandpa so much! He was the one solid male figure in my life that loved my unconditionally......always squeezing my hand and hugging me with such love and kindness. I will miss him so much.....

My grandpa's death is nothing like Wendy's was.....we knew at 92 that he didn't have a whole lot of time left, but it doesn't make it any easier. Losing people you love is never easy....the pain/ache it causes is hard to erase from your heart.

I mourn the loss of my grandpa tonight, but also celebrate a life well ived.......