Christmas Eve memories

My mom always had a way of making Christmas magic....the house was always decorated with cozy pictures of years past, homemade carolers singing in our foyer, our house lit up w/sparkling lights....our tree always had to touch the ceiling - and we had cathedral ceilings! One of my favorite memories with my sisters is our Christmas Eve program. We would always open a new pair of pajamas, robe & slippers - each year it was different, but we always matched! My mom loved matching us (and still matches her and her husband!!).

We would stand up in our program and sing Pinecones and Holly Berries & It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I have carried a lot of these traditions over to my own family. My kids get new pajamas every year and we sing our song at Ray's family Christmas party......good memories - good traditions!

Merry Christmas Everyone.....Live each day to the fullest:

Remember that Today is a "gift", that's why they call it the "Present" :)

3 years ago my life changed forever

December 18, 2006..............................2009. It really doesn't seem like 3 years has gone by since Wendy died. I can remember this day as clearly as it just happened. The pain I felt, the throbbing pain that tore through my entire body putting me into shock.....was like nothing I have experienced before. It's like someone just took a knife and slit you wide open and your world comes crashing down..........

When I came face to face with my sister's, my grandparents, my mom, my brother, my dad, Wendy's children - we all had that sad, unforgettable look in our eyes - we all shared the same pain. We all lost someone very dear to us. We all became part of the "club"....the one that you don't want to be apart of.

I carry that sadness with me, deep down inside and today I let it rise up and I accepted the fact that it still hurts to think of my sister and the senseless way in which she died.....so easily prevented ---- It's hard not to think that way - to wonder "what if" or "if only". I realize that nothing can bring my sister back. The memories I have over the 40 years we were sisters, are enough to last me my entire lifetime - however long that may be!

Today the tears came easily. I didn't try and wipe them away. I let them flow. I let them stream down my face and I remembered the pain of December 18, 2006. It happened. It hurt. I'm healing......every year, I heal a little more......Thank you for remembering my sister. Please make a comment if you want to. I know her children (Brandon and Breana) take great strength away from reading the words of others who knew their mom. They both loved Wendy so much and she loved all 3 of her kids unconditionally.

I take a deep breath and I sit in the sadness..............

3 years ago today......

It was Sunday night, December 17, 2006 and I had just sat down on my bed to call my sister Wendy at the hospital. She had been cooped up for 5 days and was excited to be leaving the next morning. When she answered the phone, I could hear the TV in the background and she was excited that the Survivor Finale was on......She wanted Ozzy and I wanted Yul..... We laughed about how hard it would be doing that show and if we would ever consider it - NO! We are both too vain for that and couldn't stand not doing our hair! As we talked I told her that I had booked my ticket to fly out Dec 29th to Utah. The plan was to go the the Physical Therapy place she was going to be staying out and "break her out"....we talked about going to a casino and getting front row parking due to her "handicap" sign she would not have becuase of her foot!

Wendy always made me laugh. Before we hung up I told her to text me in the morning when they released her. I had an early morning interview I was conducting at Madison Park in Bothell, so I probably wouldn't be able to talk to her. I told her to leave her new phone number and room number so I could get hold of her.......

If only I could go back to that night and warn her....tell her that she needed to be careful and ask the doctor about blood clots - did they have her in a boot? Did they give her enough blood thinners so that a clot wouldn't form? Was anyone aware that she hadn't been up and walking around since the surgery? .....Oh, so many things I would do to prevent her death.

I miss my sister, especially during the holidays - we would always swap calls about what we were getting our kids and we would talk about what we wanted. She used to send me candles from Salt City Candle - it was my favorite - I wish I had another holiday with her.....I wish she were here so I could tell her about my boys at college and Jessi's senior year. She always wanted to know the details of my life.

Life is precious. Life is beautiful. Life is unpredictable........don't waste another day doing something you don't want to do......working at a job you hate.....being nice to that person you can't stand......MAKE A CHANGE TODAY! Live the life you want to live. It can all be taken away in a singler moment......Cherish your family and friends!

Love you Wendy.

Miss you.

3 years ago today my mom called me to tell me Wendy had been in a minor car accident.....who knew that it would start a chain of events that would forever change our lives.

I remember with such vivid detail the phone conversation I had with Wendy the 5 days leading up to her death. We talked every day......it was a time in her life where she was really looking ahead to her future..... It is interesting how events can change your life in a milisecond.

This is a tough time of year for me. Each day triggering a memory of the December 2006 events; Thanksgiving, Bothell Football championship, Survivor finale, planning Christmas, New Years plans.....Before Wendy died I lived life with such ease - such normalty - I had no idea how good I had it and what a wonderful thing I had with my sister. I took it all for granted that she would be with me for the rest of my life.

It is hard to dwell on the past 3 years without her.......I love my sister very much. I miss my sister and the joy, laughter and love she brought to my life. I ache inside and cry randomly over little things......

I am trying to focus on the joy of the Season, my family and friends and all the good things in my life. May we all find happiness in 2010 and learn to savor every day that we are blessed to live.

Happy Birthday Breana

Breana,

Though your mom is not here with us physically, I know that she is watching over you every day. She was so proud of you and loved you from the moment you were born! I will never forget when Wendy found out she was having a girl.....she asked me what names I liked and I said, "I love the name Breana" and she said, "Oh, so do I!"......she begged me to let her use that name and so here you are a Breana :)

Your mom always loved her kids birthday's. She would often call me up and ask for ideas on what to do.....remember the casino night?

Now you have your own children and you will love them as much as your mom loved you....it is a beautiful thing to be a mom! I love you Bree and I know you miss your mom very much. Know that she is there for you anytime you need her!

Love Auntie Tracy